The days isn't the same without..

My day isn't really the same without you guys.. I was in pretty much a funk this morning- but then I saw the comment emails on my cellphone- and Ulla dear.. Your comment cheered me up. 
I am so glad that you are feeling better.. I have been really worried about you. Enjoy your time in France- and take good care of you. And don't be too hard on your little sis :) She only ment to do what she thinks is right. Des charges de l'amour <3 (Don't lough at my really poor French, I barely use it anymore)- and ya :P Lets not use meningitis to lose the pounds ^^ 

Yesterday went fine until dinner time. I had some of the food I made for my fiance which I shouldn't have. But even with that I am down 3.5 lbs. Most likely water weight.. I also am done with that time of the month- which means I weigh less. But I am not complaining. 

Last night was really bad. It's been a while since I felt this bad.. I cried for hours.. I have mentioned earlier that I gained loads of weight when I was very young to "protect" my self from my step dad.. That action has had other consequences on my body. I have stretch marks.. Not the ones normal people have on their tummy or ties - I have them on/around my shoulders. My girlfriends/ fiance tell me it doesn't look at horrid as I make it to be but ya.. What I see is what counts, right? 

So I looked into what you can do to cover them- I really hope to avoid wearing a bolero at the wedding since it will be really really warm.. I saw several articles where they recommend using mineral makeup to cover them. After work I went to several places to have a look at it- but none of the people working there knew anything about it.. Which made me feel even more down... I tried on my veil and without any coverage you are able to see the marks.. Look: 

Anyhow.. I had a really bad crash last night over it. I think I will read more about it- and actually one of the powders I tried did work OK.I just have to keep looking I guess.. Does anyone here know anything about these stuff?? So ya... I cried and cried.. And cried.. I have a tad of headache now. And I think it's most likely cause of that.. It makes me wonder though.. Is it "normal" to cry over looks? Apparently most people don't care.. I can't imagine not caring at all.. I mean.. I guess you guys know what I mean.. Don't you? 

Anyways I have thought more about the upcoming weeks. I have a plan for how I am going eat until the wedding. I have thought about the honeymoon. And I think that I will be eating "normal" while we are there. I will eat whatever he is having just less of it. We will be walking around in Rome and Barcelona so we will burn some calories. 

Princess Perfection wrote something in her last post that I have thought about many many times.. Never acted that way though...  She wrote : generally just living and eating as if I am already thin ...
That is what I will be doing while we are away. Think and eat like a skinny person.. 

I have also thought about how things need to be when we get back.. And every time I think about it, my first thought is that I need to get in shape again.. As hard as it is to believe before I was diagnosed with fibromyalgi and was in pain thinking it was my training I was doing really well with kick boxing. Back then I would be training a minimum of 3-4 hours a day. I didn't weigh in anywhere close to what my goal weight is- but I was really fit and pretty tiny.. I remember how much I loved being able to go to big sales and shop and shop cause most things looked good on me.. THAT is where I want to be again. I know I can not go back to kick boxing cause of my arms but I want to get back to that shape. Have you guys seen the super size vs super skinny episode with Amy Jo?? I LOVE her body.. She is just so perfect..

I think I will be following Rusty's visual impact for woman  .. I mean I already got the plan.. But will see.. Anyways I am off for now :) <3 



  1. Hey sweetie I don't see the marks on your shoulders. But I know the feeling. You know it's there. Everyone can say what they won't, there will always be this nagging feeling: do they see it but lie? Anyway, I hope you find some solution, so you'll be able to feel beautiful...

  2. I think you can't see it cause the picture was too small- I changed the size of the picture. It shows really well now lol.. *d'oh*

  3. I can only see one line in your picture, and I can't tell if it's a stretch mark or shine from the veil... so maybe the veil is working?

    I used to use Sheer Cover (mineral makeup) when my acne was at it's worst. Their cover up is really good, but I thought it was not helping my skin clear up, so I stopped using it. If you're not worried about acne and are going to use it on your body, it might be worth checking into.

    I use Bare Minerals now. They don't sell an actual cover up. So I use the cheapest stick cover up I found at a drug store, and put it under the Bare Minerals powder. I think it covers up some of my darker acne spots (the old "healed" ones).

    Hope that helps.

  4. They also have a product called Dermablend. You can look it up online. It would be better to try it in person but if you get the right color it's good for stretch marks. Try not to let all of this outside stuff make you anxious on your special day. Your hubby loves you for you and slowly but surely hopefully you can learn to do the same. Bolero's can be cute and if it makes you feel more comfortable to wear it then you should...even if it'll be warm. It's all about what makes you feel comfortable so you can enjoy yourself.

  5. I used Dermablend for the circles under my eyes and it worked, I heard people use it to cover up tattoos, so it has really good coverage.

    I think everyone cares about their looks. Women at least, men dont let it show... I still cry when I feel like I look like shit. It usually happens when I think I look great but then see a picture of myself later on and find out that I really looked like sh*t.

    One think I realized is that people don't notice all the things that I do. And if you are at your wedding people are going to be thinking, 'wow she looks beautiful', even if you are thinking, 'wow everyone can see all these bad things and think I look bad'. Just remember, its your day, make the best of it! Do whatever makes you the most comfortable so you can be happy!

  6. Annie is so right. I felt like crap in my swim suits in Jamaica - and on my worst day, my boyfriend took some photos of me that he says are his favorite of the trip. So, he's not noticing what I am noticing. Your fiance loves you for you. Of course you want to look your best, but remember he probably thinks you already do : )

  7. Everyone else have left such lovely comments, I feel all I can add is a bit of love and:
    Love AJ xx