I have been so down lately.. Worrying.. And it has been effecting my fiance.. We have this connection. I don't know how to explain it.. But it's like.. He normally knows exactly what I feel- think.. And it really effects him.. And I don't want him to feel bad.. I don't want him to be upset. He is so amazing and he doesn't deserve feeling this way.
I am going to make a real effort to stop this. I am going to keep reminding my self about everything good that I have in my life..
Last night I told him "OK, if you want to have a baby now- lets just go for it" and he was like "but you said you wanted to be happy in your body before we do" and without thinking about it I said "but I will never be" !
And OMG.. That is it.. I have NEVER been happy with my body.. I will NEVER be either.. No matter how much I lose- or gain or what ever.. I will never be happy with it.. There will always be something wrong with it.. Don't misunderstand this. I am not going to stop trying to lose the weight or get in shape.. I am just going to stop living and putting my self down cause of it.. But in my head.. I could be a super model- and I would still not be happy about it..
Anyway.. I am a tiny tad down again today.. Yaay for that.. My new goal is to change my focus from all my "flaws" and move it to all the exciting things we have happening the new few weeks/months :)
Oh and I spoke to the Danish store where I ordered the bolero and the purse for the wedding and they are already sending it out today :)
I ordered these:
The material and colour matches both my dress and the corner of my veil. So it will be good. And I will be more comfy. I was worried it would cover too much of the front of my dress but it should be fine.
We are almost ready with everything now. We are meeting the DJ tomorrow night (he had to postpone again).. On Saturday we are going back to Copenhagen again to buy him a shirt, and then the only thing left to buy are the cube candles I want to have on the tables. Then we have a few days off to relax- Next Thursday I have an appointment to get my legs waxed. On Friday I am putting on nails-and having my eyebrows threaded.
My mum and sisters are arriving on Thursday afternoon, and my BFF is arriving Thursday night. And rest of the guests coming from other countries are coming on Friday, spread around the day.
We are going to the location for the dinner and give them the extra decoration and the guest gifts. And Friday night I am going out with the girls and the guys are taking him out. And whoops.. Before we know it, it will be Saturday.. The big day..
The weather reports for next Saturday aren't out yet- but next Thursday and Friday will be nice.. So lets pray to the weather God's for no rain.. I don't need sun- just no rain- or too much wind.. And it will be perfect..
On Saturday I am going to have my hair done at 10:00 am- My mum is going to the saloon with me- and having her hair done as well. Then we will go back to the hotel where my bridesmaids are staying- we are going to get me dressed and fix my make up. The limo will pick us up at 13:30.. And OMG!!! Then it's 30 small minutes left..
Everyone keeps asking us if we are nervous.. And you know what ?? I am not nervous at all.. I have been worried, and stressed.. But no more... I am so done.. There is less than two weeks left and I am just going to have fun with it- and enjoy the time I have with my hubby to be :)
I'm so excited for you. It's like a really big adventure coming closer and closer. Will you post a wedding picture?
ReplyDeleteAnd you know you're right about the whole stop bringing yourself down. I wish you all the best.
Ya ^^ , I talked to my fiance- and asked him if it was ok with him :) and he said ok. So I will post a few pics- but it probably wont happen after we get back from our honeymoon.
ReplyDeleteAww reading this, I am sooooo psyched for you, you must be dancing on your feet excited! Both the bolero and bag are very classy and I'm sure you will look gorgeous.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment earlier today. I am trying to do exactly what you said - shift the focus and find new balance - but I feel a little out to sea at the moment. I am taking a good hard look at my life. I know I need to look after myself, and my BF and our relationship and that I have so many potentially good things happening.
I understand what you mean about realizing that you will never be happy with your body. I have kind of accepted that. I guess with that acceptance needs to come the resolve to say, okay, well that's that but that doesn't have to BE my life. We both have so much good going on, we are so lucky! We need to learn how to appreciate, so the negatives can be locked away in a little box under 'not such a big deal'.
Again, sorry for such a long comment! I just find I relate to you very well and you talk a lot of sense :) I am a notorious rambler, also!
Lots of love,
AJ xxx
So soon!! I am excited for you. I think It is a good idea to just relax! In accepting that you wont like things about your body, you will be able to enjoy life more in general, and your wedding/honey moon is what you should be enjoying the most.
ReplyDeleteCant wait to see some wedding pictures! <3
The bolero is so lovely and elegant! Your mindset is wonderful. Try to hold on to that through the wedding and beyond! It may be hard to imagine being happy with your body, but you can be healthier. It's ok to wait for kids until you feel healthy. Anyhow, enough unsolicited advice. Enjoy this time for all it's worth, because you are worth it!
ReplyDeleteDude, I am so psyched for you!
ReplyDeleteYou are going to have the most amazing wedding day in the history of the world, without a doubt!
You only get to bask in the glory of that day once (hopefully) so live it up, girl!!
You and your fiance deserve only the best.
None of us will ever be happy with our bodies, no matter how much weight we lose or gain.
So, you are right, it is time for us to stop letting it bring us down!
Well said, indeed. :)
The bolero and purse are both gorgeous and I have no doubt you will rock 'em on your wedding day!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3
I hear you in that respect. If when you weigh less, theres always that i'll loook better if i lost a little more or other concerns with our bodies. And i suppose accepting that you'll never be happy actually brings you closer to being happy with yourself. At least i feel that way if that makes any sense :)
ReplyDeleteIm so happy for you, i remember when i first strted following you and the big day was a few months away and now its this saturday coming. I bet you're so excited. Cant wait the the pictures :) xx