So far so good!

I must actually admit that I am really enjoying the whole skipping food during the day and eating a proper dinner thingi.. Yesterday we went out for indian for our "day" - and it was really good, but OMG... I got so fucking sick on our way home.. How could I be so stupid?
So far I have learned this:
I can not have any sort of milk - unless it's soya or almond. I can have very small amount of it, if it is cooked properly (like in soups or w/e) . I had my fav coffee today, and after half a cup I was really sick again.. So that is not happening again. As far as wheat goes... I can not have any sort of white version of it. I can have very small amount of the brown version of it but very very very tiny amount. I am going to avoid it as much as possible. I am using spelt instead and that is working fine for me. I just have a really hard time to find products with spelt that do not have wheat in it.

Work is still way too busy, and I am really dead by the end of the day and it is really frustrating.

As far as school goes, I don't think I am going to pick the classes. I get up around 6 am and work is finished 5pm - and if we go home right after work, we are home around 6 pm. By the time we have made dinner and eaten it's 7 - If we exercise, we aren't done before 8-9 pm. And by that time - I am done... I have no will or energy to study.

I have been thinking and considering my weight - I think it is a smarter choice of me to focus on my health and on losing weight than finishing those classes cause i don't want to waste the money I spent on it. If I could study during the weekends and get ready for the exams while following the online sessions it would be different.. But I have to deliver a bunch of tests/projects and I have to have passed like 5 of 7 ect before I can even consider the exams.. The tests/projects are all to be delivered during the week day, Friday before noon the latest.. So ya.. I guess I will put this in my "things I started and never finished and wasted loads of money on it" file - and rather work on my weight..

Anywho - off for now..


<3

Edit:

I think i want to put up a mini goal.. I want to lose 7 lbs by valentines! Lets see how it goes :)

The warrior diet.. Ish?

So I have had my week of being out of counting and shape and tired.. I had my crash this weekend and I managed to get some really needed rest. I consider my self lucky since I have "only" gained 1 pound...
I have noticed a few things about my eating lately.. I get full so much faster than I used to.. I stop eating when I am full.. I don't hate being hungry.. I don't panic over it any longer.
That is good isn't it?
I always have a hard time knowing what to eat at work. I always end up in some sort of panic mode when I think about it. But the fact of the matter is that most days, I don't really mind not eating during the day...Fair enough - I get the starving feeling by the end of the day.. But I am pretty sure I can control it with enough liquids - and maybe a piece of fruit by the end of the day.. So why not take the warrior approach? - You don't eat during the day, and then at dinner time you get to eat one proper meal. You wont feel like you are cheating and you wont feel guilty over eating what you really want for dinner. Toss some exercise into the picture and I really don't see where it could go wrong..
Anyway, as you might have guessed I didn't get on with the 30 day shred as I had planned.. But now that I feel rested I feel like I am ready to go for it. The whole "get up earlier" was a bust, so the new plan is to do it right after I get home.. I get home, change, and do it before I eat. Have you noticed that sometimes you eat much less after you exercise?
Ah well.. I am going to spend some time with hubby before bed.. Tomorrow, we have been married for 6 months.. Time just flies by doesn't it?
Hope you all have been having a good weekend!


<3

Tired...

Work has been insane since last Friday. On the good side, the days go by too fast for me to even notice them, on the bad side, I am tttly burned out. My eats have been... Well I am not sure. I have been eating Ok pretty much every day.. But this whole stress shit is killing me.. Every inch of my body aches.. That's one of the "fun" sides of fibromyalgia... Stress is the killer..
I am also so freaking bloated.. I got worst when I had the pro bio yoghurt in the morning that last couple of days.. It could be that.. Or it could be the wheat intolerance most of the fibromyalgia patient develop... I am so sick of feeling this way that I am cutting all wheat and dairy prodcuts starting tomorrow.
As far as exercising, I haven't been doing any since Saturday.. I am just so dead when I get home - that I can't do much other than to crash. But my Jillian Michaels DVD's got delivered yesterday, and I noticed that the 30 day shred workouts are only 20 minutes. So I am planning on getting up 30 mins earlier and do the work out before work.
I have been very very very bad at tracking too...... But I have made the promiss to my self of getting back to it again. I will make the time and afford to track even if it means that I write it down on post-its and fill my MFP later in the day..
I am not going to get on the scale until Monday morning. I hope the bloat will be better by then.. Forgot to mention that I have been having insane pain in the stomach too - so now I'm on pills for that too.. But it feels like they are helping already so I guess that's good...

Ah well :) I am going to end up this wall of text.. I want to go to bed early today.. I am just too tired..

<3

Ah well...

So as you might have picked on - I wasn't in the greatest mood yesterday.. Work was.. Well it was too much.. And then my team leader had an almost break down lol.. Which means I had to jump in.. Which means I was taking calls in English, Swedish, Norwegian, Danish.. And going through mail (I had 60 mail cases closed by the end of the day) - and I was in the middle of this running around helping the guys with the cases they were stucked on . and I was couching a new dude..
I love my team leader. He is a year younger than me - and he is just a sweetheart.. He is the nicest guy, and we are really close. And his "episode" yesterday really broke my heart.. And then in a team where I am the only girl, AKA the only one they actually listen to, when they see that I am getting pissed lol.. And the only one that can multi task.. Well - ya...... I normally don't mind days like this, but I was pretty messed up my self already.. And I really didn't have the energy for it. But it went fine.

I came home . had some soup.. And well as you might have seen on my MFP account, I had a binge.. I guess it was pretty "small" considering I was just about 150 cals over my daily budget.. And then I got sick.. :S I don't really count it as a B/P session cause I didn't really had a choice.. My body wanted it all out.. and it forced it out.. I guess I am glad it did - cause that means I didn't gain anything..

Today we are supposed to be cleaning around the flat - but its 1 pm and I have gotten as far as making breakfast for hubby. We are going out for dinner. Sushi.. I am going for the vegetarian option as I normally do. I have so far had coffee and one bite of hubbys breakfast to see if it's cooked. And I'm really not hungry yet.. So will see, I might just not have anything until dinner - it's only 6 hours away, and I still need to shower and get hubby to move and start cleaning the place.

Also need to go out and buy a wifi receiver for the new PC that we haven't put up yet.. So I think I cam manage on liquids until dinner.

To answer the question about who that girl in this post is Ashley Greene. You might know her as Alice Cullen from the twilight saga movies. :)

Thanks for the comments on my last two posts <3 I am going to keep going and as you all say, the scale will move..

I am going to get going now. Have a great weekend ladies

Why is it so hard?

I did have my negative calories on Wednesday. Not many but I had a -6! Which is a first time ever for me. Yesterdays net was pretty good too.. I ended up around 381. But the scale has barely been moving. It has moved with almost a pound :(

And this is making me really sad, cause I have been very careful, and I been trying to move as much as possible. I have lift up my desk so I am standing instead of sitting behind my desk all day long at work.. I got in 40 mins of exercise on Wednesday, and 30 yesterday (even though I was so tired I was about to pass out) .. 

And what happens? Nothing?? 1 lousy pound?? wtf :( 

Ah well... I just have to keep going.. It should be moving more soon.. I am not going to stop because I am not seeing the results I want.. But it is making me very sad .. I know it sounds pretty stupid, but after my workout yesterday I just sat down and had a long cry.. Hubby was looking at me not understading what is happening, but I guess I can't explain this to him.. So I didn't.. 

I can not explain how I hate to look at my self in the mirror.. How I hate the way my body feels when I am moving it..  How sick I am of all the "space" I am taking.. How every time he tells me that I am sexy or beautiful, the first thing on my mind is "Please stop - and open your eyes, I am NOT" ... How am I to explain to him that the reason for why I hate my body and its look now more than I have ever done before is because he is sooo freaking skinny.. That I feel like a giant next to him.. That sometimes, I feel so huge beside him that I am afraid I am going to crush him ?? ... 

Meh.. I am sorry for being a downer.. I just am not feeling all great today. 

I have decided I am going to start posting my weekly calorie reports every Sunday. I seem to be able to get nice looking reports on my Ipad - So I thought I would just screen shot it from there, send it to my self and post it. Not all my days have been good (Last Sunday, and this weeks Tuesday) but ya.. 

If you however would like to snoop around my eats, feel free to have a look at my MFP diary  - I have made it public now because I figured for me to be able to stay true to what I am doing, I need to be open about it. 

Anywho... Insane day at work today. We are lacking people so it's too much to do. I will make a proper post this weekend


<3

Crabby and cranky....

Meh - I am having one of those days.. Well actually I have been having one of those nights and now days...

Got home after work yesterday to find a notification from our janitor saying that they have had to close down the buildings hot water cause apparently someone had an accident and didn't fix it - and now we have a huge leak.. Which means no shower  - which means no exercise (I didn't want to get all sweaty and stink today at work :S ) - which means I haven't lost a single pound this week .. I have actually gained like 100 grams ish - I'm not stressting over the 100 grams - that is like 0.2lbs.. but I am also restricting properly today..

I have planned inn black coffee - green tea - and a coke zero for work. I might have a fruit of some sort if I am starving before I go home, maybe a protein shake (103) maybe both even , will see.. I am going to have a can of weight watcher soup (114 cals) for dinner. And I am going to do 1 hour on the WiiFit when I get home. I am going to do a combo of the "free run"" - Boxing and step.. (last time I did this combo I burned almost 500 cals) which means it will be negative calorie day.

And hopefully tomorrow the scale will move again... (in the right direction)

-----
It suddenly got really busy at work. So I'm going to just publish this post for now :)

<3


Edit:

Don't you just love her??

TGIM?? ...

I am actually glad that it is Monday.. The weekend with no internet has been horrid.. I know that I had the cellphone - and that it is good to have a break from it all - but OMG! I haz needz for my internetz! lol . We bought a new PC on Saturday that I haven't been able to set up because of the lack of internet too - so all in all it was maybe a tad more annoying that it would have been normally.

Yesterday - my eats weren't that good.. They were actually pretty horrid.. But I am not too worried about it. I always get a food kick when I use the painkillers and it was sort of given (thank God I rarely use them anymore - the fibromyalgia Gods have been kind to me the last few months) .. I was very well under my weekly calorie budget , but that said, I still want to take it easy with calories and carbs today.. 

Last week I got inn 6 exercise sessions - all around 30 minutes except from Sunday morning where I got in 1 hour. Pretty happy about it.. Also - the storm has passed our town now - so I am thinking about starting the C25K today or tomorrow. I have to see how late I get home today. 

I want to say thanks for the comments and welcome to the new followers :) 

@ Miranda: The classes are equal to the first year of a bachelor program. But - if I would want to - I could build on with higher level in the same subject - but I doubt that I will. I think if everything goes well - that I will build on it with some project and personal management courses. Will see :) 

@ Claire: I used Myfitnesspal.com - my username there is Kittz30 - so feel free to give me a poke if you want to :) Just make sure to say that it's you - cause the "normal" ppl there freak me out.... 

To the rest of you ladies, thank you so much for the love and support. :) 

Wish you all a great day - and a great week :) 

<3 

No internet!

What happens when you let a man be in charge of one thing in your home? Well - you come home Friday to no internet because he forgot to call the company..

Ah well - thank god to my cellphone i have been able to get online, and track - and so on..

Just wanted to get on to say! thank you so much for all your comments.. I am so so so glad I sticked to it - I have been eating a tad more today duo to the painkillers - but I am waaaay under my weekly calorie budget! AND the scale did move! So this weeks loss is almost 6 lbs :) And I couldn't be happier.. I doubt it is all water weight since it didn't just get off in one or two days..

Hope you all having a great weekend :)


<3

*insert smart title here*

I think I have been doing very good this week. I have been making my meals for work the night before - I have been sticking to my exercise plan and worked out 3 day. My net calories are very well under my weekly budget. I have however not lost a single tiny little pound the last couple of days. That made me kind of :S this morning, but then I put on my new jeans and they are getting loose on me.. They were very very tight last week - so this is good.
My first thought when I stepped on the scale was "I am eating too much" - but then I took a step back.. Thought of all the times you girls have talked about the scale standing still - and how you keep going - and now I am fine. I have to understand that even though I am making very good changes in my eating/exercise habits - it will not all change within the week. So my goal is to have a bingefree weekend, where I keep tracking my eats and to get in  another exercise session.
I have to keep remembering that I have done years of harm to my body- and it is my fault that it has reached this weight - and that I can not fix it overnight. That if my goal is to really get slim - and healthy, I can not just jump on a yet another fad diet - fail - binge - and gain more weight.

On another note - I am going to start studying again. When my ex - dumped my ass after I had quite my job and so on - I found that the only thing I could do was to start studying. Mind you, it was online studies since everything else was full - and a private business.. Very very very very expensive. I took a student loan to get by. But I never finished it up. I didn't have the state of mind - I was really behind and couldn't catch up. I e-mailed the school to ask if there was any chance for me to be able to pick up the classes I had paid for and to be able to take exams. And to my biggest surprise, I got an e-mail saying that I had 3 semesters left to complete to classes!

I have 3 classes I can take during the spring semester - and 5 for the fall semester. I have completed the class for one of the fall semesters and I only need to take the exams for it. So my plan is to reread the books for that class and pick up one of the spring classes now. Complete the rest of the fall classes next fall - and the last two classes next spring. The 4 I have to take this fall will be really hard - and I will be a full time student, while I am working full time for 5-6 months. But I think it will be worth it.

I still have to pay to be able to take the exams, and that will cost a bit - but all in all completing this means I haven't been wasting around 20k USD (that's around what I have in student loan for that year :S) - on something I never finished. I need to be really strict with my self, and focus to be able to achieve this. Specially the fall semester, so wish me luck :) Cause I am very sure it's needed...

Work has been very very very still today - which has been perfect for me. I have been looking over the school things, mailing with the school - looking at the classes and so on all day. I ordered a book I needed for one of the classes I will be taking this semester and now I am on my lunch break. I have barely done anything at work today - and to be honest, I don't care at all..

Anywho :)

Official weigh-in will be on Wednesday - so I am not going to worry about the scale not moving for now - and be patient and focus on doing good this weekend - and as I wrote this, I got an e-mail saying there will be cake in the kitchen soon lol - you gotta love the way the office culture is always trying to fatten you up! I am not going to have any.

That said! I am going to finish this wall of text - and wish you all an amazing weekend!

Oh and thanks for all the comments about the running, we have a storm warning here - but that should be over soon - and as soon as it has cleared I am going to start the C25K outside :) Thanks for the push hehe :)

<3

Edit: I am loving this song lately... So I thought I would share it with you ladies :)

Sore....

I know .. This is very very very pathetic but my whole body is sore.. I have been exercising, but nothing I would put in the "proper" exercise section. Slightly over 30 mins on WiiFit plus - and mostly doing the step - jogging and boxing sessions.. For some reason I am all sore specially in my back and arms..

Would you count jogging in place, as jogging? - Anywho - I guess the main point is that I am moving and can feel it.. Way too well lol..

Food wise it's been fine.. I think I ate a tad too much yesterday.. My nets have been around 1000 calories which is fine with me - since my goal is 1200. Talking about goals.. I am going to talk numbers.. I am aiming to burn 1500 calories through exercises - which seems to be doable.. I am up to 778 calories burned this week. According to MFP I would need to eat 1280 calories to lose 2 lbs a week.. Me taking it down to 1200, makes it 2.2 lbs a week... The 1500 = l lbs a week.. So if everything goes as it is supposed to - and if my body behaves as planned.. I should be losing around 3 lbs a week. There is 8 whole weeks left until the trip to Chamonix - which means I should be able to lose those 20 and some more with no problem..

I think this is the first time ever I have some proper - doable - healthy - weight loss goals..

I was trying to talk to hubby about it last night - and as soon as I started he said "3 lbs a week is too much" and blabla - so I got cranky and didn't bother to keep talking about it. I think it's healthy numbers - and for him to shut it down so fast - is sort of annoying.. I mean - if I was 100 lbs lighter - then ya ..  I would agree.. But I'm not.. So I don't understand the fuss to be honest..

I have a question for the runners.. 
I am not one (as you guys know) - but I want to become one and I would like to start the C25k.. My problem is however the weather.. It is pretty cold now.. - no snow - but some rain and a whole lot of wind.. The wind has been very very strong..
I live not that far from a great park with loads of running trails - and I really want to start the program running outside (running on the treadmill freaks me out) .. I do have a pair of good running shoes - and normal gym cloths.. Would you say - I can just start the program now? Or should I wait until it's warmer outside?

Please remember I am in the worst shape of my life - and jogging 10 mins in place make me all out of breath.. This is what I look like after couple mins lol 

Thanks for the comments yesterday.. The day went very very slowly all day.. I do read e-books at work.. and surf and so on - I also watch a bunch of youtube clips and so on.... But sometimes - when you have days of nothing to do - it all becomes sort of too much of the good stuff - if you know what I mean.

Anyway - I'm gonna stop blabing :) Hope you all have a good day


<3

Oh PS: If anyone else is using MFP - feel free to add me.. Just make sure to put a note saying who you are - cause I don't really add people there outside blogger world. My username is kittz30

*sigh*

If this work day goes any slower I am sure I will be dead soon.. 3 hours left at work.. And I have done NOTHING!!!!! This is worse than it was in the end of the summer when all Co's were on vacation and so on..

I know I should be happy that I have a job that pays enough to cover all my needs but OMFG I am so bored...

*sigh*

I have been surfing and streaming all day.... I am to a point that I am considering to download WOW or something to my work PC....

What do you guys do when  you have nothing to do ??

Monday .. Woop woop....

OR not :P

It's not exactly a hidden fact that I am not the most happy morning/Monday person..
But today is a great day - and you want to know why? Because I can finally put the whole Christmas, newyears eating out stuff behind me and have my new start :)

I am going to start planning my meals more properly. I have two packs of oatmeal and two frozen weightwatchers dinner left and I am going to have those with some fruit today and tomorrow. And I am going to start making food plans - and I am thinking to have it pretty low carb. I am not going to count carbs, only calories - but I will focus on the right sources of it.

Going for the whole- leaner - browner - greener plan. aaannnnddd I am going to get started with an exercise plan.. I am only aiming for 3 times a week for now.. I am in such a bad shape - that I think aiming for more - would just be aiming to fail. I am not really good at making time and an afford to go to the gym, so I want to start doing the couch25k (properly this time) and combine it with some simple exercises such as push-up, and plank at home.

I am going to reread "you can be thin" again.. It really did put me off all bad carbs - and I think it is a great place to start this whole journey again.

I also came across this article which I think some of you might enjoy reading... I know for a fact that I did..

Anyway, I am going to end this post and try to focus on work. I want to say thanks for all your comments, and say welcome to the new followers..

I still have loads of problems with my dashboard and that fact that it doesn't update all the new blogs I am following - so any tips on how to fix it will be gladly welcomed :(

Edit: 

I also want to put some goals for my self.. As I have mentioned before - I will be going on a trip with my work to Chamonix in March (8th of March). And I want to aim to reach my first GW by then. No matter what the scale says on Wednesday - I still will be looking at a 20 lbs ish loss.. So that's my first goal.. 2 months - 20 lbs.. That is ttly doable.. :) 

Sometimes I wish I could turn my brain off...

Don't you wish you could turn off your brain sometimes? I know for sure that I do..

Sometimes I wonder if I am one of those people who lives in a fantasy world.. I am so perfect in my head.. I am skinny - I have a great career - I have the best collection of shoes, and purses, and cloths - I am the best wife and mother - I juggle everything, and I do it perfectly!

But then I open my eyes.. I am fat - I am out of shape - I have an OK job - I have a bunch of shoes that I can barely walk in cause I am too fat - I only own cloths that fit me, not cloths I wish I want to wear - I love my husband more than anything on this earth, but I can not be the best wife and make him the happiest I can, before I am happy in my own skin - and a mother.. Well.. I am ready.. I want to have a baby.. But I am dead scared of getting pregnant cause of my weight - I wouldn't hasitate if I was 100 lbs lighter - If I was in shape..

Sometimes I stop up and look in the mirror and just think to my self "what have you done to your self" ... The thing that makes me even more depressed is that I know what to do to fix this shit.. I know it way too well.. I have been obsessed with food and diets ALL of my adult life.. I know every fucking detail about every fucking diet that is out there..

And I am just so sick of my self.. I am THE queen of talks.. I am the queen of planning and never doing it.. You guys know it.. You guys have seen me do it over and over again.. You do not gain 35 lbs over a year not being the queen of excuses - cheats - talks..

This year - I will make a change.. This moment I will make this change.. Ladies, I know you have heard this before but I truely am done disappointing my self..

I'm going to stop the wall of text cause I am actually going to move my butt and get some exercise for a change..

<3

Day2..

I feel like I am going to pass out or something.. When will this fucking cold be done.. I have been sick for almost 3 weeks now :S - Today I am at work - and I am thanking God for it being a slow day.. I feel horrible... This week I am only supposed to work 2 days - but I am not sure if I will come to work tomorrow and on Wednesday..

Do you guys think I might feel better if I "sweat it out" at the gym.. I mean I can't really breath.. Is that even "healthy" ?

Anywho..

@Miranda: Ya my hubby need to gain weight.. A bunch of it.. He - his mom- his grandpa and so on - they all have really fast metabolism which means they have a really hard time to gain weight - until they are like 40 ish .. His highest weight was like 158 lbs (that was when he was training ALOT) - and now he is down to 143 ish - and he is like 6" tall  so ya.. He is very very very skinny now.. His BMI is now like 19 ish and he looks like he is made of skin and bones... So he needs to gain some weight.. He says it tok him a year of hard training to get up to 158... So this will be intressting lol..

I beg to God that our kids get his skinny genes... and not my fatty ones lol

@Sammy: I <3 you missy ^^ Just sayin ^^


I'm gonna finish this post now.. Too :S to focus lol


<3

Happy new year ladies!

I hope you all had a great celebration and are ready to grab the new year by it's balls! As a true new year rutine, I am going to put up this years to do list hehe

1. I am finally going to get my drivers license... 
2. I am going to figure out what I want to do with my career by this summer and start putting the plan into action. 
3. Exercise!!! I really need to get back in shape.. 
4. Get rid of all this extra weight... First step is to lose all the stupid weight I gained last year. 
5. Make a new close irl friend... 

Also this year - hubby and I are going to try to get pregnant. We aren't going to do it right away. We just have agreed on going for it this year. We both have agreed to take some time to get back in shape - I need to lose some weight.. He needs to gain some weight (oh the irony lol) - anywho - I wanna lose a minimum of 50 lbs before we start trying for it.. and that is ttly doable..
I am going to keep using the foods allowed for now - and after my mom goes home (She is arriving on Thursday and will leave on Sunday) - I am going to go back on my 2 shake and a high protein meal again. I am going to eat high protein, low carb stuff just as I want during the weekends to get the weekend break. I lost good amount of weight both on the low carb, and the 2 shake and a "salad" diet before.. And I think if I hadn't gone on a huge binge mode that I would be able to keep the weight off too..

Leaving that in the past now.. I am going to make a change to the food allowed tab and make a list for the low carb stuff too.

Erm.. What else.. Ya.. I have been sick since before Christmas, this cold is getting worse.. It's just so WTF lol .. I get better for couple of days, and then it gets really bad again, and get I get better for half a day, to feel worse later lol It is so annoying :P Oh and as if everything was blissful, I got my period last night . Great way to start the newyears wont you say so lol.. Tomorrow is time to get back to reality, work it is.. It will be so hard to get up that early.. But this week its only 3 days of work, so it's not that bad.

Anyway, should get off for now :) Wishing you all a great day and hope that this year will bring you loads of joy, happiness, and skinny habits hehe


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